Feb. 16, 2019

Little Blue Pill

I never really thought
That I needed to fight back
I would always just cry ~
In surprise and hurt,
That people could use words
That would cause me so much pain

I never really thought
I needed to defend myself
Until the day came
When two hands found their way
Out of a haze of alcohol
To my throat

I never really thought
I’d have to call the cops
Until the day came
When a picture was smashed,
And from behind a threat
Came a shove

I never really thought
That I needed to fight back
I didn’t know I could
Didn’t know I had a voice
Didn’t know I could take action
I just ran away

And even now
I live with the guilt
Of some of my choices
Made from pain and fear
When cries for help
Went unanswered

When you run,
The baggage follows
Reminders every day ~
Even if there are loving arms
Around you,
Somehow it knows...

And the brick
Sits on your chest
And the lump rises
In your throat
And your tears well up,
And no words will come

Helpless in the fog
Of push and pull
Weak in the stance
Of fight or flight
Afraid of what will become
If I step out into the world

Until I found
The little blue pill
That helps me not care
What the world is like
Around me,
What the voices say

And I become me,
The way I was before,
Not afraid, not a care
What they’ll think
What they’ll say
And I can just be

‘Til I get home
And the loving arms are there
His hand on my chest
and the brick flies away;
All that really matters
Is here

Little blue pill
Little blue pill
Little blue pill

I want my voice back
I’ll get my voice back...
And when it comes,
I won’t need you any more,
Little blue pill.

Kira